What makes a good marriage? There have been countless self-help books written on this very subject. To me, at times it seems impossible to have a successful marriage in today’s world. However, if we turn to the words of past and present Church leaders, the answers become clear. I have compiled a list of the most important aspects of happy marriages.
- Unselfishness is key to a celestial marriage. The world teaches that individualism is central to happiness. Satan would have us believe that we deserve certain things from a marriage, and that we should leave if our expectations are not met. In reality, we must be willing to put the other person’s needs above our own. Sacrifice is essential. As Spencer W. Kimball taught, “Each party must eliminate the ‘I’ and the ‘my’ and substitute therefore ‘we’ and ‘our'” (1976, para. 18).
- God is included as the third party in a marriage. According to David A. Bednar, “as they individually and steadily ‘come unto Christ’ and strive to be ‘perfected in Him’ . . . the man and the woman come closer together.”
- We must be prepared for marriage before we enter into it. An example of what NOT to do comes from a couple I love dearly. They both had unresolved issues from their past, but felt pressure to marry because they were almost graduated from college. They assumed that the other person would be able to solve their problems, when in actuality, neither of them could hand their OWN problems let alone someone else’s. We can’t go into marriage looking for someone else to fix us. Instead, we must take responsibility and become the spouse we hope to have someday.
- We can’t neglect the marriage once we are in it. Instead, couples should continue to get to know one another and show kindness to each other. Little rituals, like phone calls and kisses, help maintain feelings of love. I have always admired my dad and step-mom for going on weekly dates. They seem to be rejuvenated and happier after each one.
- Communicate effectively. I am kind of a nerd when it comes to this topic! In fact, for my big speech in my public speaking class, I talked about effective ways to resolve conflict and communicate kindly. Some of the keys to this are mentioned in Successful Marriages and Families, including calming yourself before approaching a difficult topic, eliminating destructive patterns, speaking gently, making repair attempts (like apologies), and making compromises (Hawkins, 34).
It doesn’t matter if your parents are divorced, single, married, or struggling within their marriage. There is hope. We can choose to have marriages that are better than our parents. These suggestions are foundational steps that can take a marriage from good to great!
Family Matters 