In the 1950s, most women stayed home, cooked meals, and raised the children while their husbands went to work. Even the TV shows during that time starred men clad in dark business suits and women in aprons. For example, take a look at these stills from The Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy, two popular shows during the 50s.

Then, with the women’s liberation movement in the 1960s, things started to change. Women were encouraged to get an education and work outside the home. Today, TV shows (and real life) look much different. Although in many ways this is a wonderful advancement, it comes with some drawbacks. One major issue is that marriage is no longer seen as a necessary part of adulthood. Women (and men) often choose to purse a career rather than a family that will slow them down. I’ve talked to several friends who worry that their future husband will expect them to fulfill the traditional role of a woman, and so they choose to remain single.

However, one of the things I am most excited about in marriage is the opportunity to be an equal partner with my husband. If my friends knew what being an “equal partner” really means, I think they would be excited for marriage too! Therefore, in the next few paragraphs, I am going to discuss just that.

First, let’s establish this fact: equality is not a synonym for “identical”. Men and women are, by their biological nature, different from each other. If we go into marriage expecting to split every responsibility in two perfect halves, we will be sorely disappointed. There are not only gender differences to consider, but also individual differences. For example, if I marry someone who is a terrible cook, I am pretty sure I will be okay with cooking the majority of our meals.

Secondly, equality, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. When I find the man I want to marry, I don’t want to feel inferior or superior to him. My dad has always told me to “Marry someone who chases you as much as you chase him.” In other words, although you and your future spouse might have differences, what is most important is that you value each other equally.

Thirdly, equality between spouses was established with Adam and Eve. When creating Eve, God said that he would make a “help meet” for him. This word might appear to be controversial, but according to Elder Earl C. Tingey…

You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet. A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to be equal to each other”

Fourthly, the principle of equal but different responsibilities is best shown by the words of the proclamation. It says…

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

These responsibilities may differ from each other, but they have a common purpose: unity and joy within the family. It is also important to note that the roles of fathers and mother may take on different forms based on personal circumstances. For example, a mother might be required to work in order to make ends meet. That does not make her any less of a nurturer or the father any less of a provider.

In summary, we all come into marriage with pre-conceived notions of what equality between spouses really means. For each family, that will look a little different. For instance, I want nothing more than to raise my children as a stay-at-home mom until they are in school. I realize that might not be everyone’s dream, and might not even be a possibility. What matters most is that my husband and I are on the same page, willing to compromise, and that we view each other as equals. If we approach this sometimes touchy subject with respect for each other and the hard work each of us do, we can grow together instead apart.

Everyone wants to be happy, right? Isn’t that the ultimate goal? And yet, so often we look for happiness in places where only temporary pleasure can be found rather than lasting joy. However, lasting joy is found through Heavenly Father’s plan for each of us, a plan that is centered around the family and marriage.

It was from him [Joseph Smith] that I learned that the wife of my bosom might be secured to me for time and all eternity; and that the refined sympathies and affections which endeared us to each other emanated from the fountain of divine eternal love. It was from him that I learned that we might cultivate these affections, and grow and increase in the same to all eternity; while the result of our endless union would be an offspring as numerous as the stars of heaven, or the sands of the sea shore. … I had loved before, but I knew not why. But now I loved—with a pureness—an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the transitory things of this grovelling sphere and expand it as the ocean. … In short, I could now love with the spirit and with the understanding also.”

Parley P. Pratt

I realize that was a super long quote (hope I didn’t lose anyone in there), but I couldn’t help but share it. I’m not sure if there is anything more exciting than that kind of love progressing throughout the eternities. The love we see in rom-coms might be exciting, but this kind of love is so much more meaningful.

Beyond this obvious and incredible blessing, there are temporal benefits (detailed in Successful Marriages and Families) that come from happy marriages such as…

• Physically healthier than those who are not married.
• Happier and more satisfied with life.
• Greater financial security.
• Sexual fulfillment.
• Better environment for children to be raised in.

Last semester I had the opportunity to interview a couple that had been married for 63 years. It was probably one of the coolest conversations I have ever had. I could see, and hear, that their marriage brought them so much joy. I’d like to share a few of the benefits they mentioned.

• Although marriage doesn’t make life easy, it does make the trials of life seem a bit more manageable. You can tackle the world together.
• Even the monotonous things of life, like chores, can become fun when you have a loving spouse by your side. For example, this couple loved gardening and mowing the lawn together.
• Selflessness in marriage brings great joy. They mentioned that every time they get ice cream, they try to give the bigger cone to the other person. I thought that was such a simple, but important, symbol of their care for each other.
• You have someone by your side who accepts you completely, imperfections and all.

If you still have doubts about how wonderful marriage is, give this little video a watch. Not only is it the cutest thing I have ever witnessed, but it also serves as a wonderful reminder of what a blessing an eternal companion is when hardship comes.

What makes a good marriage? There have been countless self-help books written on this very subject. To me, at times it seems impossible to have a successful marriage in today’s world. However, if we turn to the words of past and present Church leaders, the answers become clear. I have compiled a list of the most important aspects of happy marriages.

• Unselfishness is key to a celestial marriage. The world teaches that individualism is central to happiness. Satan would have us believe that we deserve certain things from a marriage, and that we should leave if our expectations are not met. In reality, we must be willing to put the other person’s needs above our own. Sacrifice is essential. As Spencer W. Kimball taught, “Each party must eliminate the ‘I’ and the ‘my’ and substitute therefore ‘we’ and ‘our'” (1976, para. 18).
• God is included as the third party in a marriage. According to David A. Bednar, “as they individually and steadily ‘come unto Christ’ and strive to be ‘perfected in Him’ . . . the man and the woman come closer together.”

• We must be prepared for marriage before we enter into it. An example of what NOT to do comes from a couple I love dearly. They both had unresolved issues from their past, but felt pressure to marry because they were almost graduated from college. They assumed that the other person would be able to solve their problems, when in actuality, neither of them could hand their OWN problems let alone someone else’s. We can’t go into marriage looking for someone else to fix us. Instead, we must take responsibility and become the spouse we hope to have someday.
• We can’t neglect the marriage once we are in it. Instead, couples should continue to get to know one another and show kindness to each other. Little rituals, like phone calls and kisses, help maintain feelings of love. I have always admired my dad and step-mom for going on weekly dates. They seem to be rejuvenated and happier after each one.
• Communicate effectively. I am kind of a nerd when it comes to this topic! In fact, for my big speech in my public speaking class, I talked about effective ways to resolve conflict and communicate kindly. Some of the keys to this are mentioned in Successful Marriages and Families, including calming yourself before approaching a difficult topic, eliminating destructive patterns, speaking gently, making repair attempts (like apologies), and making compromises (Hawkins, 34).

It doesn’t matter if your parents are divorced, single, married, or struggling within their marriage. There is hope. We can choose to have marriages that are better than our parents. These suggestions are foundational steps that can take a marriage from good to great!