In the 1950s, most women stayed home, cooked meals, and raised the children while their husbands went to work. Even the TV shows during that time starred men clad in dark business suits and women in aprons. For example, take a look at these stills from The Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy, two popular shows during the 50s.
Then, with the women’s liberation movement in the 1960s, things started to change. Women were encouraged to get an education and work outside the home. Today, TV shows (and real life) look much different. Although in many ways this is a wonderful advancement, it comes with some drawbacks. One major issue is that marriage is no longer seen as a necessary part of adulthood. Women (and men) often choose to purse a career rather than a family that will slow them down. I’ve talked to several friends who worry that their future husband will expect them to fulfill the traditional role of a woman, and so they choose to remain single.
However, one of the things I am most excited about in marriage is the opportunity to be an equal partner with my husband. If my friends knew what being an “equal partner” really means, I think they would be excited for marriage too! Therefore, in the next few paragraphs, I am going to discuss just that.
First, let’s establish this fact: equality is not a synonym for “identical”. Men and women are, by their biological nature, different from each other. If we go into marriage expecting to split every responsibility in two perfect halves, we will be sorely disappointed. There are not only gender differences to consider, but also individual differences. For example, if I marry someone who is a terrible cook, I am pretty sure I will be okay with cooking the majority of our meals.
Secondly, equality, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. When I find the man I want to marry, I don’t want to feel inferior or superior to him. My dad has always told me to “Marry someone who chases you as much as you chase him.” In other words, although you and your future spouse might have differences, what is most important is that you value each other equally.
Thirdly, equality between spouses was established with Adam and Eve. When creating Eve, God said that he would make a “help meet” for him. This word might appear to be controversial, but according to Elder Earl C. Tingey…
You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet. A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to be equal to each other”
Fourthly, the principle of equal but different responsibilities is best shown by the words of the proclamation. It says…
By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.
These responsibilities may differ from each other, but they have a common purpose: unity and joy within the family. It is also important to note that the roles of fathers and mother may take on different forms based on personal circumstances. For example, a mother might be required to work in order to make ends meet. That does not make her any less of a nurturer or the father any less of a provider.
In summary, we all come into marriage with pre-conceived notions of what equality between spouses really means. For each family, that will look a little different. For instance, I want nothing more than to raise my children as a stay-at-home mom until they are in school. I realize that might not be everyone’s dream, and might not even be a possibility. What matters most is that my husband and I are on the same page, willing to compromise, and that we view each other as equals. If we approach this sometimes touchy subject with respect for each other and the hard work each of us do, we can grow together instead apart.
Family Matters 