I was raised on a steady diet of Disney movies, which might have given me some unrealistic expectations of how I would meet my future husband. I mean, Cinderella met Prince Charming in a beautiful ballgown at a ball, and he fell madly in love with her immediately.
Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) met Prince Phillip in a gorgeous forest where he starts singing some song about how she is *literally* the girl of his dreams.
Eric falls in love with Ariel EVEN THOUGH SHE CAN’T SAY A SINGLE WORD AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO USE A FORK.
Obviously, I am not a Disney princess and think I am safe to assume that you aren’t either. So, what’s a girl to do since we don’t have magic, sidekicks, or perfect hair?
- I think one of the most important things we can do is become the kind of person we want to be with. I mentioned this in a previous blog post, but I don’t think it can be said enough. We live in an individualistic society where many people go into relationships with a long list of expectations, and if those expectations are not met, they leave. That leads to a whole lot of broken hearts and broken dreams. However, if we seek to become complete, happy individuals on our own, we are that much more prepared to support someone else. In Successful Marriages and Families, several important traits to develop are listed. These include an ability to love (which requires confidence in oneself as well as an awareness and appreciation for others) and the ability to communicate effectively through listening and clearly explaining oneself. I firmly believe that like attracts like. So, if you want to marry someone who can make you cry from laughter, read up on some jokes! If you want to marry someone smart, do some reading.
- Discourage hanging out. I absolutely love Elder Dallin H. Oak’s perspective on this. He says, “My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football.” That is pretty clear! Rather than hanging out, encourage actual dates.
- Don’t put too much pressure on first dates. Up until I had taken a few family classes, my main question when going on a first date was, “Can I see myself marrying this person?” However, through some awesome professors, I have learned that the first date is a wonderful opportunity to get to know someone and that is that. There shouldn’t be a huge amount of pressure attached to the date. One of my friends says that after going on a first date, she asks herself, “Is this someone I would like to get to know better?” If her answer is yes, she agrees to a second date. If we follow this pattern, we avoid turning down opportunities simply based on first impressions or a desire to find the one and only. I have so many friends who met their spouses through developing a good friendship, even if there wasn’t a ton of chemistry at the beginning.
- Be brave. This is something I struggle with. I’m not exactly overflowing with self-confidence, so it is hard for me to “make the first move” or even to make half of a move. I am too afraid of rejection. However, in a day and age where boys are asking girls out less and less, sometimes we have to take the initiative. Just remember what I mentioned before- a first date is just a date. We aren’t asking them to marry us. We are simply confronting the situation rather than standing idly by and waiting for our prince to come. If that means flirting a little bit, or even asking them out, so be it!
- Have faith. Always remember that you are a beloved child of God. He has a plan for you that is WAY better than your plan for yourself. He has promised that each of us will have the opportunity to receive ALL the blessings if we choose the right and keep our covenants. Dating might seem impossible right now, but Heavenly Father will provide away as long as each of us are willing to put in the work.
Family Matters 