Perhaps my greatest fear about creating a family is the loss that comes with love. Death, illness, or separation of any kind is painful. In families, all of us will face trials and tribulations. Maybe it comes in the form of infertility. Maybe it comes in the form of a special needs child. Maybe it comes when a spouse decides they no longer want to be married. However, all of this risk is ultimately SO worth it. I’d like to take a few moments to talk about why, and how, this is the case.
First, these moments in the refiner’s fire help us become what God wants us to become. For example, when a special needs child comes into the world, this gives their parents an opportunity to become more like Christ. The unconditional, self-sacrificing love they feel for their child is a semblance of the love Heavenly Father feels for each of us. No other experience could bring about such a change of heart.
However, this opportunity for growth is just that, an opportunity. We must choose how we will react to the challenges in our lives. My tendency when trials come is to ask “Why me?” I get frustrated with God for testing me beyond what I feel I can handle. I am learning that the best thing I can do is submit to God’s will. Every time I do that, life ends up working out in ways I could never imagined. I am working on developing an eternal perspective so that I can see trials as small, short events that can prepare me for God’s presence.
Can you think about moments in your life where you have been placed directly into the refiner’s fire? How did that experience change you? Would you be the same person you are today without that event?
Secondly, our families can help support us through trials. An illness in one family member, for example, is a trial that can be shared among all family members. If the mother has cancer, the children can carry more responsibilities at home. The father can provide emotional and financial support throughout surgeries and treatments. When grief or sorrow comes, family members can rely on each other and bear up their burdens. We don’t have to go it alone!
Thirdly, without the difficult times of life, we wouldn’t be able to experience the great joys in life. According to Elder Bruce C. Hafen, “Somehow, our joyful experiences mean more when we are fully conscious of the alternatives and the contrasts that surround us. We prize the sweet more when we have tasted the bitter. We appreciate our health when we see sickness. . . . These contrasts do not deter our idealism. Properly understood, they only make the moments of the true joy worth waiting for.”
Now that we understand the necessity of trials, let’s discuss one of the most difficult trials of this life: death. Up to this point, the only people I have lost are my great-grandparents. I realize this is unusual as a 20-year-old, and I am aware that someday soon I will have to face the loss of someone I love. I am TERRIFIED of that day.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I know that death is only temporary. I know that someday, I will see my family again. However, although that knowledge is powerful and comforting, grief is still a normal part of human existence. Just look at this picture of a grieving President Hinckley at his wife’s funeral.
Despite his knowledge about God’s plan, he still felt incredible pain after losing his wife. Grief, in my eyes, is love. It shows that you care so deeply for someone that their loss causes indescribable sadness.
In fact, I just read the story of Lazarus in the Bible, and several parts of the story impacted me in a way they hadn’t before. When Lazarus died, his sisters were distraught. When Jesus saw Mary crying, He began to cry as well. In fact, the scriptures say “he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled” (John 11:33). As I read this, I wondered why Jesus would cry. He knew what was coming; He knew Lazarus would rise again. Yet, He still wept. Then, I realized that Jesus wasn’t crying for Lazarus. He was crying because He felt empathy for Mary and Martha’s pain.
I know that Christ weeps when we weep, even though He knows that our loved one is in a better place. He now has perfect empathy because He has actually felt our pain. When He atoned for our sins, He also atoned for our pains, our losses, our tears. When we grieve, I hope we can envision Christ weeping with and for us. We are never alone. We have our families, and we have Christ.
Family Matters 